Getting over you

thinspo is gross

I wasn’t sure what thinspo and all the anit-ana and anti-mia blogs were talking about it so I tumblr searched it and it honestly made me want to throw up more than my supper…

Its disgusting what people do and want to look like, I mean I get it, I’ve been there but I feel like I’m on the other side of the glass now. Thinspo is gross.

Sure thin girls are pretty, who doesn’t want a nice body, but fuck its so unnatural and it freaks me out…

I mean seriously check this shit out: http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/thinspo manky…

this is more like it: http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/big+is+beautiful <3

<3

I’ve been so much happier lately and looking good aswell. I’ve picked up around 4-5 kg’s which sucks but it was expected I guess.

I’m going to a nutritionist soon I hope so that will get my eating patterns normal again :)

There are so many people who go through what I’m going through, its insane! I think I’ve been extremely lucky though with the community surrounding me and all the support I get. I foung out that my brothers girlfriend was bulimic for a few years, she didn’t tell anyone and it took her a long time to get through it. I’m so glad I told my parents. I don’t even know where I would be right now if they didn’t know…

Day whatever…

So I’ve lost track of the days…

Its been a while and things have been going well I think!

I went to my therapist and she was nice…I mean it was only the first meeting, but I think I’ll like her.

I also went to see my doctor, who I love! She’s been my doctor forever and I trust her fully. I’m getting the results for my blood tests tomorrow…eeek!

It was my 17th birthday last wednesday, it was wonderful.

I’ve purged about four times since day 0 which I think is bloody fucking fantastic if you ask me!

Day 4.

School today…meh. It was pretty uneventful, I bunked double ceramics to go and have a smoke, exciting. I ate a pizza slice around 10am and a frozen lemonade and biscuit around 12.15pm. No purging!

I’m going for therapy on Friday. I’m quite excited. I’m getting bored of this whole recovery thing though. Not that I don’t want to recover, I fully do, I just want it to be over already and be normal again.

Oh well, time heals all wounds.

I wanna go to the hairdresser tomorrow and get my hair straightened. Something I haven’t done for more than a year.

Maaaybe I’ll post pictures

goodnight x

Day 3.

Today was nice. No purging yay!

I woke up around 12pm, breath smelling of booze and cigarettes, hopped into the shower, got dressed, took my vitamins, brushed my teeth and got into the car. It’s my cousins birthday today so the fam gathered to feast and celebrate.

We had delicious lamb soup and these mini corn muffinny type things. It was num num but made me feel shitty for the next few hours. And I had ice-cream ontop of it…

I had fun though. My aunt and uncle take in kids (18ish-20something year olds) from their church who have nowhere to stay and give them food and a roof over their heads and there is one that I’m particular friends with, his name is Allan, he’s around 22. We get along really well and he’s kinda cute. And I’m always happy when I see him…

I had a crappy experience in the bathroom tonight though, that put a dampener on an otherwise good day. I was changing into my pj’s and realised that I was too scared to take off my top in front of the mirror. I’ve never felt so ugly in my life. I cried and just stood there. It scared me.

I don’t want to go to school tomorrow.

Day 3 over.

x

Obsevatory.

So… tonight I slipped up.

Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alocohol! I had so muuuuch!

teehee and it wasn’t too expensive. Thats why you gotta love obs.

I did purge though… Not because of the food, which is good I guess. But still.

I had two tequila shots and about three double brandy and cokes…or four…

I had a good chat with my bff, it made me happy.

I can already feel the difference. I’m so much happier and there in the moment than I have been for a long time. This is a good thing for me.

Tomorrow is my cousins birthday. We’re having lunch at my aunts house. I think it’ll be okay. I won’t eat too much and there’ll be people there who know and can look after me.

Meh, it was so gross in Stones when I threw up the second time. You know when you’re quite far away frome the bathroom, you’re drunk, and you need to mok really badly and you gag and make weird faces and noises on your way to the loo? I ussually make it on time…but this time I needed to cough…an that wasn’t good. As soon as I reached the bathroom it kinda came spattering all over the place. It’s a good thing I had one of my bff’s there…

manky.

Anyway, I’m safe at home now. In my new panda pj’s. So I’m going to sleep cause I need it.

good night

xx

Day 2.

Another successful day :)

The only problem is I that I can’t go this amazing afterparty that the grade above me is throwing :(

So some of us girls are gonna go to obs later, gosh it’s gonna be expensive to get drunk now that I have food in my stomach… teehee

But all is well in the world. I told one of my closest friends today. She was shocked, she was one of the only people who didn’t notice. She feels shitty about it, but I don’t think it makes her a bad friend at all, she doesn’t see me as much as the others do.

Urg I can feel the rice cake I ate an hour ago in my throat. It’s horrible. My stomach feels fatter than it’s ever been in my whole life and this is the longest I’ve gone in almost a year without purging.

My mom is treating me differently. Not badly. Not judgingly. I can tell she’s just concerned. My dad is so in control but I can see that they’re both so hesitant to loose sight of me.

My father is clearly the cool headed one in the family. He said upfront to my mother that we they can’t freak out about it. It’s something to deal with, but we don’t have to rush into anything.

I’ll give details about my night out when I return.

x